A young teen was sitting at the computer chatting with someone she thought was a friend. She had been teased and picked on at school to the point she thought no one would ever like her. The “friend” was nice to her. He complimented her. He made her feel special. He made her feel good about herself. He manipulated her until she gave in one day and sent him a compromising photo of herself. She was just trying to make him happy – after all, he was the only person who had been nice to her. Then he began asking for more and she started to think maybe it wasn’t a very good idea. She said no. She tried to break off all contact with him. He harassed her online. He sent messages to her classmates. He threatened her. When the classmates learned of the photo, they teased her. They made fun of her. They called her a slut. They said they wished she were dead.

She completed suicide.

A teenage girl had nowhere to go when life got hard. She had been sexually abused by family members her whole life and no one believed her.  She struggled in school, she struggled at home, she had very few friends. In high school, she started dating – hoping someone would just love her and take care of her. Boys tried to use her, tried to make her have sex. She was raped. The kids at school called her a slut and a whore. They wrote it on the bathroom stalls and on her artwork in the classroom. Girls threatened to beat her up. One day she took a knife to school to protect herself and was suspended.

She was a pretty girl who rose to fame more quickly than she had prepared for. She wrote her songs herself because they came from the heart. Her relationships ended up in the news and people began to call her a slut. The more she defended herself, the more people ganged up on her and called her names. She was ridiculed in public places and in the media. Every move she made was twisted and manipulated to make her look crazy. On one of the most important nights of her career, two colleagues twice her age teased her and made fun of her in front of the entire world over her failed relationships. When she tried to defend herself, the media stood up for the bullies and twisted the girl’s words even more to perpetuate a bigger fight.

We have enough mean girls in this world trying to drag people down. There is a line between comedy and bullying, and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler crossed that line. We don’t need anymore bullies in this world. There is no need to do that to anyone, but especially not to a girl half your age. Tina and Amy, please grow up.

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Apparently some study shows that acne is linked to depression. It took a scientist to figure that out? Ask anyone with acne and they could have answered that question.

While I certainly wouldn’t say that this onset of acne has caused depression, I will say it has been extremely difficult to handle. While living in St. George, Utah, I would have the occasional breakouts, mostly in the wintertime. But nothing too concerning and I never saw the need to see a dermatologist about it.

Once I moved to Idaho in the spring of last year, I was horrified to see that something about Idaho caused a massive onset of adult acne – like nothing I’ve ever had to deal with before. Nothing was curing it and when I went off birth control in lieu of a tubal, the acne just got increasingly worse. Every two hours I seemed to be using blotting wipes to get rid of the oil my skin was producing. It was horrible.

There were a few things that made it slightly better: Luminess Air Makeup was a big help in not causing further breakouts. Also, thanks to my esthetician (Sadie at Retreat Day Spa), I discovered that over-the-counter topical acne-fighting products were actually making my acne much worse. Getting rid of every one of them, anything with Salicylic or Benzoyl, helped a little bit in fighting the acne. But it still wasn’t a cure.

Finally, one month ago I went on Accutane. Within two weeks I noticed something amazing. The acne that never went away – the flesh-colored ones that were small bumps – were completely gone. We had tried everything to get rid of it and Accutane (the generic version at a whopping $15 a month after insurance) was the only thing that cured it. Within three weeks I had pretty much stopped using blotting wipes.

The downside: massive, massive purging. Embarrassingly so. I know that if I can get through this it will all be worth it, but it’s still hard to look at and some days I end up using too much makeup trying to cover it up.

The other HUGE problem is the amount of drying. Everything. Mouth, eyes, skin. By week three I had the flaky dry skin that would show by noon. EM-BARRA-SSING! Thank heavens for Vaseline and Rodan & Fields! For those wondering what to do about the dry skin, I found the answer thanks to a friend who saw my posts about now sure how to deal with it. She sent me samples of the “Soothing” line from Rodan & Fields. If I’d had to pick a product line, I would have gone for the acne one and made everything worse. The soothing line is meant for sensitive skin, which, as it turns out, is exactly what I needed. My skin doesn’t flake until the very end of the day now and it’s been a complete lifesaver.

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I have tried to live my life this way ever since hearing that quote and over the weekend I had the opportunity to share it with my one of my children – he’s a little angel who is often not too forgiving.

My son was figuratively backed into a corner. Like many of us, like I would have done even just two years ago (amazing how getting older calms us down), he verbally lashed out. He said something quite hurtful to the person who he felt forced him into the situation.

When I got home about 30 minutes after the incident, I had a choice to make. I could be angry with my child for saying the hurtful thing, I could let it go since he wasn’t the one who “started it,” or I could use that opportunity to teach him my favorite quote. Oh was I excited! I had an opportunity to teach my son such a great life lesson AND I got to use a variation of my favorite quote!

First I had to diffuse the situation a bit as he was immediately defensive, expecting that he was in trouble. I made him laugh a bit, I took the five remaining yellow conversation hearts from the bag I gave him for Valentine’s Day, teasing that the more yellow ones I found the less trouble he was in. (The yellow are the coveted ones in this house.)

He was smiling pretty wide when I casually asked him to repeat to me what he had said. Then I asked him what he meant by it. Then I asked him how he thought the person took it. Naturally, and he also recognized, they were two separate meanings. At which point I said:

It’s important to be kind to people even when they hurt you. It’s a reflection of who you are, not of who they are.

He stared at me for a moment, and then it clicked. He nodded. He understood. My son doesn’t like people to have hurt feelings. By this time I had found the last yellow candy and I handed back the bag, and told him that on his next opportunity it might do him well to give that person an apology. The problem now diffused, I added that he will likely come across a lot people in life that make him angry, and it’s something he’ll have to accept in the real world. That part didn’t really register, just like Love & Logic said it wouldn’t. So I left it at that.

I was feeling pretty good though and the next day I related my words of wisdom to my sister. Who reminded me that had I tried on that on another child of mine, he would have simply given me a blank stare and said: “Yeah, I know. I was trying to hurt his feelings, so what?”

I guess I’ll be back to the drawing board when that one gets a little older!

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This morning I decided to have breakfast with my 12-year-old to see what is new in his world. I knew he had a dodge ball tournament today that he had been looking forward to. They’d been practicing for it for several weeks in P.E. He told me stories about how when you get out during practice, you have to call the medic. But in the tournament, out is out.

That took us into a discussion about the war games we played when I was in the Air Force. I told him how my job was to protect the medics because the snipers always went after them. I must not have been too good at it because I always lived and the doctors always got shot. Of course, what’s the point of hand singles if the medics don’t know them and the cops do? Seriously undertrained medics.

Which took us into a more serious discussion about firearm safety and how, yes you can accidentally die if you shoot yourself with a gun that is not loaded – even a prop gun. We discussed gun safety with toy guns and real guns, bullets or not.

Which he then asked if Heavenly Father would treat that like a suicide and that took us into a discussion about heaven, death and then suicide, and forgiveness and love. We discussed what happens when someone commits suicide and how that affects everyone else after the death. (Talking about suicide is a dang good prevention tool, by the way. And while I have no reason to believe my son is thinking about it, nor does he appear depressed, you don’t really know if you don’t ask sometimes.)

Which took us into the show Merlin. Yes, Merlin. My son loves that show. From suicide to the affects of suicide, it had been brought up the cost of death and burials. And my son says, “I’m not burying you! (When you’re old and eventually die from old age.) It’s too expensive! I’ll just put you in the lake.”

“Put me in the lake?! That’s illegal. And gross.”

“They put you in a boat and set it on fire.”

Yes! He said that! So of course I told him how they don’t do that anymore, and it’s got to be illegal. Besides, it’s gross and probably pollutes the air.

And then my “little” (he’s bigger than me) smarty pants says the best thing of all: “Well that’s dumb they made it a law since they pollute the air, too.”

“Who pollutes the air?”

“The politicians. They pass laws that are good for big businesses so they can make more money, but those businesses pollute the air.”

And then he went to school.

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There are a lot of great foundations and prior to moving to Idaho my favorite was hands down Bare Essentials. However, since moving to Idaho and facing massive breakouts like I’ve never had before in my life, I have had to switch makeup brands continuously. Name it – I’ve probably tried it.

My latest has been the matte foundation from Forever Makeup. Before that I had tried just about everything you can buy at Sephora that is meant for those of us with oily skin who are prone to breakouts. (Or at least prone to breakouts since living in Idaho)

After a frustrating six months with a dermatologist and great advice from Sadie, my esthetician at Retreat Day Spa in Ammon, I have gone back to the basics: oil free moisturizer from Neutrogena (even Cetaphil made me break out. CETAPHIL for crying out loud!), because even oily skin needs proper moisturizer. I drink tons of water, work out, have cut back massively on diet sodas and sugars, clean my make up brushes, get facials and chemical peels and use non harsh daily face wash (the Neutrogena bar). After my experience with Obagi, which I’m still suffering from, I have seen some improvement but the Obagi has left so much to deal with it. (Read Obagi trial here)

I’m not too worried because I am scheduled to start Accutane this week and I know that will clear up my skin. But I want a healthy daily regimen that will help prevent future breakouts and keep my skin beautiful. So I finally tried the Luminess Air starter kit I had stashed away. I had been terrified to try it because I didn’t know how to use it. And honestly, I’m still not great at it after three days but I’m learning.

After three days on Luminess Air, this is by far the one thing to date that has showed me a very quick response to preventing future breakouts. I don’t know if it’s because I’m no longer using brushes, but my skin is noticeably clearer each and every day that I use Luminess. I honestly couldn’t be happier with my makeup. I don’t know how, but it does the best job of any foundation of covering my current acne and it has visibly reduced some of the acne as well.

If you’re struggling with acne, I would try this!

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I was sitting in the car when I got the email from Natasha Burton. She sent a link to her article and said thank you for being willing to help her with her article, “Post-Breakup Transformations.”

I quickly read the article and told my husband about it, and about how the writer must not have had room to really explain the breakup/moving on so half the story was missing. I knew that while the article made sense for her story, it wouldn’t make sense for the people who knew me and knew that I had recently gotten remarried; so I chose not to share the article with friends on Facebook or Twitter. I tucked it away thinking that since it was on the MSN “beauty” section, none of my friends were likely to see it and maybe it was easier to not have to explain. Then I forgot about it.

Until today.

I was at my desk working on a story for the daily paper where I work when a Facebook notification popped up. A friend was telling me how he recognized me on the MSN article. I was baffled. Then another message popped up and another. And then a text.

I went to MSN.com and there it was: top 7 stories for the day with a large photo of me under a headline that partly read “Single and Stunning.”

Oh boy.

Last week when Natasha reached out saying she needed real-life stories of women who did something drastic to get over a breakup, I instantly thought of my foolishness. I laughingly and willingly agreed to be part of her story.

This is the story:
A couple years ago I went through a bad breakup. I was not happy with him for the way he had treated me and I was unhappy with myself for having stayed and allowed him to treat me that way. He wasn’t abusive or anything, he was just a two-timing jerk.

Like a lot of women, I tried many ways to get over him. Namely, changing my hair color. It was red at the time (or at least my wig was) and went from blonde to brown to finally what it is today – black. But I didn’t stop there. I began working out, getting manicures and pedicures – whatever healthy things I could do to feel sexier after realizing I had been cheated on.

Then a caller on the Fox News radio show where I was a co-host gave me a challenge: run the St. George marathon. I agreed (he dared me) and quickly regretted it. I HATE running.

Then my ex boyfriend told me I’d never do it. Suddenly I had never been so inspired in my whole life to go running – except during the Air Force security forces training (police academy) with a drill sergeant screaming at me.

So I ran. And I ran. And I ran. And I blogged about it and I Facebooked my progress and I ran some more.

And then one day, I got over him. At that point I realized I was really only running to prove him wrong and since I no longer cared if I proved him wrong, I stopped running.

I don’t regret any of it. I just moved on.

And now I’m happily married.

I’m not mad at the writer. She did the best she could in the amount of space she had and probably had no idea the web editor would use my picture right under that headline.

So when my Facebook friends saw this article I knew it looked pretty bad. But we all got a good chuckle out of it, even my husband who has a far better sense of humor than I do.

By 2 p.m. I figured the worst was over and no one was really that upset over the mess up.

And then my mother saw it….

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Well it’s officially the end of my third week and I have absolutely nothing good to say about Obagi. My acne is far worse than it’s ever been. If there had been any clearing up but I still acne, I would probably continue giving it a try. However, since my acne is so much WORSE than when I began, and three weeks later still increasingly getting worse, I’ve determined my best bet is to stop Obagi and try to calmly heal my skin with the neutrogena bar for a few weeks before going on Accutane.

Anyone else have any luck with Obagi Clenziderm?

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I hate music theory. I can’t read a sheet of music. I have no idea what those little symbols mean. If they’re not colored in, I sing a little longer, right? If they move up and down on the line, my voice goes higher or lower?

Clearly, I have no idea.

I took choir in junior high and sophomore year of high school. In junior high I was placed in one of the better choirs because I have a decent singing voice. In high school, I wasn’t and I quit because it was boring. I didn’t want to learn to read sheet music.

In college I had pretty much forgotten about it until one of the heads of the music department heard me singing (I can’t remember how that happened) and he placed me in his top choir. I think I went to class two or three times. He would sit with me during office hours and teach me a song and tell me what I was doing wrong and would then show me (by singing in my alto range) how to fix it.

That’s how I learn to sing – I copy whoever else is doing the song.

Then he signed me up for a solo at some big competition and I dropped the course instead.

I LOVE to sing. I do it all the time (much to the annoyance of my family). When I’m home by myself, my little alto voice can even hit the Carrie Underwood notes flawlessly. But as soon as I get in front of a crowd, I freeze. People who have heard me singing when it didn’t matter and thought I’d be a famous country singer have also heard me sing when it mattered – and wondered why I have two different voices. One that is great. And one that is absolutely horribly bad.

A few months ago I was writing a story about a local kid who auditioned – and won – to open for Dia Frampton (The Voice season 1 runner up). I had the opportunity to interview Dia and asked her what had taken her from not being able to sing in front of people to kicking butt on the stage. I had heard some of earlier singing (we’re both from St. George) and sometimes she rocked it; other times not so much. But now she ALWAYS rocks it.

She told me two things helped her: 1) singing live in front of people as much as possible and 2) learning to play the guitar taught her how to stay on key.

Today while doing a Jen Trani guitar lesson with my new Yamaha (Christmas gift from the best husband ever), I learned about frets and playing notes on the guitar. Something clicked. Something my music teachers had probably long ago given up trying to teach me.

Suddenly I wanted to know what those symbols meant and when someone says “G” or “high C” I wanted to know what that was.

Turns out that was the best advice Dia could have ever given a wannabe singer. But she’s not the only one with great advice.

In preparation for my story, I had interviewed several pro singers for a sidebar for advice for singers. The paper never printed the sidebar, so I’m sharing it here with you. My favorite on the list is about water.

Yes, water. I hated water until this trick. Now I drink it all the time and my voice is so much better. The trick? Don’t drink water that is ice cold, such as the water from your fridge. It’s not good for your throat. I put my bottled water in the cupboard and drink it room temperature instead.

Singing tips from the pros:

- Use a pencil in between the teeth and speak over it like the sound has to clear the pencil. Then remove the pencil and sing a few lyrics. This technique helps to elevate the voice. – ILana Martin, former background singer for Alicia Keys

- Drink room temperature water, no yelling or talking loudly, stay away from junk foods and rest your vocals regularly. – Darryl “Tiger Da Writer” Easterling, professional vocal arranger.

- Don’t drink carbonated beverages a few hours before a performance because it irritates the vocal chords. Warm up for at least 10 minutes before you go on. Don’t take any decongestants the day of because it dries out the vocal chords. – Eric Dodge, country singer/songwriter

- Do not clear your throat. Instead, make a low, guttural rumbling sound in the back of your throat to clear phlegm. – Dylan Glanzer, musical party entertainer

- Do a vigorous workout before a gig to warm up the body and voice, as well as traditional voice warm up such as scales and sirens. – Erin Flanagan Lind, lead singer for “Sonas”

- Add lemon or honey to room temperature water. Never drink cold water. Keep your neck covered to protect the throat. – Kat Murello, rehearsal singer for stars such as Katy Perry and Michael Buble

- Avoid dairy before a performance and avoid hot teas as it can dry out your throat. – Karen Jordan, singer/songwriter

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